Not strictly traditional Haiku
I think "takes" would sound better than "makes". "makes" makes you seem like someone who speaks english as a second language...
I'd originally written "takes" but changed it to correspond to the softer consonants of the previous lines. Maybe it would have been more common to the ear the other way.
Thoughts?
I think "takes" would sound better than "makes". "makes" makes you seem like someone who speaks english as a second language...
ReplyDeleteI'd originally written "takes" but changed it to correspond to the softer consonants of the previous lines. Maybe it would have been more common to the ear the other way.
ReplyDelete